There have been so many times in my life that I have wondered, questioned, and pleaded with God to show me His plan, to explain why I may be going through a particular experience or trial. As much as I would love to see my whole life laid out before me, I know He doesn't work that way, and after going through each event I can look back and see so clearly how God has led and blessed in each instance. Most of those times of my life I would never wish to repeat but also wouldn't trade for the world.
Last night while walking David had an epiphanic moment, and even though we're still dealing with so many things, it helped us remember that God does provide exactly what we need when we need it. Some of you already know our story, but for those who don't, I would love to encourage you with hope that God does provide...
When we were married David and I both felt the need for me to stay at home once we had children. When settling down, however, we were excited about the possibility of owning our own place and living our "dream." We looked at homes we could afford, not taking into consideration what it might be like with only one income. But it just worked out that at that time we decided to wait. Six months later David's mom drove down a street on a complete whim and saw a quaint little house for sale and mentioned to us that we might like to go look in the windows. Friday evening before sundown we decided to go. We knew instantly it was the place God had provided for us. When looking for it online, we discovered it was literally half the price of the houses we had been considering "acceptable" to our desired living. There were many little miracles in the days and weeks leading up to our possession of our house. It has been a blessing to us ever since.
Fast forward a year - welcome baby Ethan! The time had come for me to keep my promise and quit my job to stay at home. David was more than thrilled to have his wife back. (He always joked that he got his wife on long holidays and summers and had the stressed out "teacher Jennifer" the rest of the time.) It was so scary for me, however. How on earth were we going to survive on David's meager salary? At the time it was even less than my teacher salary, even though we knew it would eventually be more. When looking at our finances, we knew that if we continued to return to the Lord what was His we wouldn't have enough to even pay our utilities and mortgage, let alone such luxuries as food and gas. The amount we would be short each month worked out almost to the dollar what we were giving in tithes and offerings. We decided we must be faithful. We couldn't afford not to be.
It was so amazing and awe-inspiring to watch each month as bills came due. As the CFO of the household I did everything I could to cut out every possible expense and had to trust that God would provide the rest. Each month we were able to meet every bill - sometimes with less that $10 in the bank account in the end, but God provided!
God provided for a year. Then the next summer we decided to go for baby #2. Then David discovered his insurance was changing MUCH for the worse... 2 days before I discovered I was pregnant. I plead with God. I tried to understand how, in the face of many thousands of dollars we would now be faced in medical bills, He was going to provide. The blessings weren't quite as obvious as before, but they were still there. I realized I had much more to learn. Katie was born and we made it through, bit by bit. Then David's car kept breaking down. $400 repair bills every month don't work out on a budget that still wasn't on paper balancing each month! After the third such breakdown in as many months I remember walking outside, crying, looking up at the sky and asking God, "Where are the showers of blessings?! You promised them, but I don't see them. We certainly need them, Lord. We've been faithful and careful. I know I still have a lot to learn, but where are the showers of blessings?"
Ever hear the phrase, "Be careful what you ask for?" I got my showers of blessings... literally! We were able to trade in David's lemon for a nice used vehicle. We were thrilled and felt God had provided. 4 days after purchasing it, however, the airbag light came on. Inspection at the dealership revealed at the best a $2000 repair, but at the worst a $4000 repair. "God, what happened?!!!" I cried. I burst into tears right in front of the poor service advisor. He calmed me down, told me he would see what they could do about it, and sent me home with a loaner car. I didn't hear from him for 4 days. I was starting to get worried and had almost decided to call when he called me. "Come pick up your car. It's been fixed and there's no charge." I was shaking!! We saw firsthand how God can work on other peoples' hearts and can provide in many ways.
Then two weeks later I discovered a free handbell concert in Indianapolis and David and I got one of our first dates since Katie had been born. Before dropping our kids off, however, we decided to stop in at Panera Bread and get a little something for supper. While there, we watched in horror as the great hailstorm of 2009 hit the north side of Indy. There sat our two cars, side by side, being pelted. State Farm set up "drive thrus" to assess damage to vehicles. We discovered BOTH our vehicles had several thousand dollars in supposed hail damage. The damage was purely cosmetic, but the checks we received from them completely paid of debt from home renovations/repairs and medical bills. We literally received our "showers of blessings!"
As the years have gone by, David's salary has gradually increased, and I don't live on pins and needles every day wondering if what I purchase is going to cause us to not be able to pay our bills each month. The blessings and tests are still there, however.
A year ago we felt impressed to start a personal business. We sought counsel from others, prayed, and saw many doors open wide for it. We were confident that because God had provided so many little miracles in it starting that we would be successful. Instead it has flopped upside down so much, we've received almost no return on any of the investment. It's so easy to ask God where He is now, but because of all His faithfulness in the past, we KNOW He's still in charge now. We're going through one of those "what happened? Please show us how this is going to work out" times, but we must have faith.
Yesterday we were pelted with a very large unexpected vehicle repair. It's so easy to get depressed over such things, but praise God, by His grace I wasn't. Yes, it's unfortunate and I don't like it, but I've learned He will provide. Last night David went out on a little walk by himself, and he came back excited and nearly beaming.
He said, "Jen, do you realize how many people on two incomes are barely making ends meet and are on the brink of losing their homes? We could be in that situation, but instead we're able to pay all our bills and monthly expenses, return our tithe and offering, pay significant amounts on debt for a failing business, and pay for an unexpected car repair?" We wouldn't be able to do all those things except for extra income God has provided RIGHT at the very time we need it.
We can't NOT afford to thank God and return what is rightfully His!
Friend, any time you may become discouraged and wonder how God can expect you to return to Him, let alone to others, remember that He is just waiting to shower us with blessings... and when He does, remember those times. Treasure them. When faced with a new trial, look back on them and remember. Your faith and gratefulness will grow until you can't contain it. You won't be able to help it but share your personal testimony of how God blesses and provides in miraculous ways.
"God never leads His children otherwise than they would choose to be led, if they could see the end from the beginning, and discern the glory of the purpose which they are fulfilling as co-workers with Him." --Desire of Ages, 224
